Wednesday, November 29, 2006

10w5d, 90% be damned

90%, HA, I laugh in the face of 90% success rate.  Actually not so much laugh as sob hysterically for most of the rest of the day. 

Went to my gyno appointment today and he couldn't find the heartbeat with the doppler so he sent me to another department for an ultrasound.  She couldn't find any heartbeat either. 

Everyone said that things couldn't be better this time.  We had an 8-cell, grade 1 embryo.  Our HCG numbers were pretty spectacular but still a failure.

I feel like there is just a bare pin point of light entering my brain, everything else is just darkness.  My brain feels like a grey fog.

We had begun discussing names and needs last week. 

Now it is impossible for us to have a child before I turn 35. 


Hopeful Mother said...

I am so incredibly sad for you. Words can not do it.

{HUGS} Please take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

Oh, no. N, I'm so, so sorry. If you need to talk, scream, cry, anything, I'm here. You're in my thoughts.

Thalia said...

N I'm so awfully sorry, what an incredibly cruel thing to happen. Did you see the embryo? Had it grown? Have they made a suggestion about what happens next?

Carrie P said...

I'm so sorry.

Nico said...

Oh God. I am so, so sorry N. Just.not.fair.

VanillaDreams said...

I'm late to this post, I know -- arrived here through Nico.

Just wanted to say, I'm very, very sorry for your loss. It all seems too familiar to me as well.

We lost twins last year after seeing heartbeats on ultrasound, and everyone (everyone! RE's, Embryologist, you name it) were all, "95% chance of healthy, normal pregnancy!" I, of course, fell into the the very, very unlucky 5%.

So, I feel your pain, and I'm sorry this has happened to you.

Sending you the best thoughts possible at this awful time...