Beginning IVF #5

Today the spotting begins.  My cycle is starting and I need to get my first US tomorrow.  I am terribly nervous and a little teary.  I am doubling up on Acupuncture and Massage for the next couple of weeks to help 'calm' me.  I don't know that it works that way but at least while I am there I am allowed to sit in a blank quiet room nothing but a warm lamp on and some light music.  I do find that I get to drift a little during that part, though the last massage has left some significant bruising. 

This is not a joke.  I had trouble sleeping the first night because every time I turned over, I woke myself up with a stabbing pain.  I am hoping that a hot bath and another massage (with some rules set!) might help. 

I am worried about the spotting as I am not really at day 1, but I spoke to the nurse and since I am on a short course of BC and am only 2 weeks into my cycle, she doesn't expect much more than spotting.  I don't know.  This whole cycle is so different from any that we have done previously.  That could be good or not.  I have no idea. 

The old clinic sent a letter recently to say that the Dr who was our guy is no longer with the facility.  Of course there is no 'reason' associated with his leaving, but I would guess that all the bad  press lately couldn't have been helpful.

I don't know what I will do if this is another failed cycle.  I am not sure if I can handle another massive failure.  Even medicated.