Thursday, December 15, 2005

Still Waiting

I am still waiting for the final decision.  My doctor wants me to stay on meds until next Tuesday Dec 20.  Then we can see how far this has progressed in another week. 

He said that if things still look bad, then I will go off meds.  Then my body will take over and I will have lost my (so far) only chance at getting pregnant. 

I want to let this go now and try to be in a stable mental state for Christmas, but H is not ready  to let go.  He thinks that if he only waits another week, it will start growing and then everything will be fine.  He wants to believe that this can work.  If we work hard enough or do the correct thing that this will fix itself.  He doesn't seem to understand that it should have doubled in this week and probably do so again for next week.  Even if it could survive for a little longer, I think it will only fail later.  When I will be completely unstable.

I am taking care of my 3 year old nephew this weekend too.  I agreed before I knew of the problems and forgot until yesterday.  H doesn't understand that this will be very hard.  I love my nephew, but being around other people's kids is hard now.  Especially since this kid is pretty much what our kid will look like.  H and BIL look very much alike and SIL and I have similar coloring, so I know (kinda) what our kid will look like.  And I will be watching him, all day Saturday. 

Of course, last week we volunteered to host Christmas morning at my house since my dad has been sick.  This is going to be fun.

I am picturing a tough week.


Alexa said...

I am so, so sorry to hear of your loss. You will be in my thoughts this week--is there any way someone else could look after your nephew?

Lori said...

I'm so terribly sorry.

Dee said...

Thinking of you.