Normally there are several people to watch my nephew, but this weekend is impossible for everyone except me.
I explained my feelings to H and he wants me to do it, because this is our goal. To have our own child that we can do things with all the time. This should be enjoyable, and it will be. It just will be a bit bittersweet.
Also, what if we finally ever do get have a child and try again, and I miscarry again?? I can't just abandon the child I do have to nurse my grief about the child I lost.
Logically I understand this. Somehow that doesn't make it easier, just something I have to do.
While I am getting my head around what is happening to my body, it will not be truly real until the bleeding begins. That is being held behind the floodgates precariously created of progesterone pills and estrace.