Thursday, December 15, 2005

My nephew

Normally there are several people to watch my nephew, but this weekend is impossible for everyone except me.

I explained my feelings to H and he wants me to do it, because this is our goal.  To have our own child that we can do things with all the time.   This should be enjoyable, and it will be.  It just will be a bit bittersweet. 

Also, what if we finally ever do get have a child and try again, and I miscarry again??  I can't just abandon the child I do have to nurse my grief about the child I lost.

Logically I understand this.  Somehow that doesn't make it easier, just something I have to do.

While I am getting my head around what is happening to my body, it will not be truly real until the bleeding begins.  That is being held behind the floodgates precariously created of progesterone pills and estrace.

4 comments:

fisher queen said...

I just found you. I am so sorry for what you are going through.

Anonymous said...

Found you via "No Period Baby." I think we're leading parallel lives: I got a BFP day before Thanksgiving, 2 great betas, blighted ovum on 12/15 @ 7w2d u/s. It sucks. Like someone gave you a gift and then snatched it away. I'm so sorry!

Nico said...

I don't know what to say, except that my heart is breaking for you. Do whatever you need to, to get through this day. Thinking of you!

J Fife said...

Hey, N. Just thinking about you and hoping that the weekend isn't too tough on you. Lots of good vibes your way.