Friday, January 19, 2007

Sleepless

I have restarted acupuncture again.  This time I found a clinic near my home.  I have no way to measure the different facilities so I prefer to go to a closer site than the 40 minutes I was driving before.  Also, I have a theory that each person has their own strengths and so I hedge my bets by going to different people in the same clinic.  I have no idea if this helps at all.  I just know that I have had a session today to calm me and relax me, and it is 12:48am.  I have already finished a novel and trying not to start another one so I am not up until dawn. 

I had a great discussion with a friend today who has his own company and asked if I can help him launch his products.  It was very exciting and really could be an incredible opportunity.  I can't really go into any sort of detail, but I have been really excited about this project for a while and now he has asked me to join in and help. 

There is a bit to talk about, I finally heard from my clinic regarding the karyotyping of the fetal material removed during the last procedure.  It was a boy.  I guess I had told my friend that I believed it was a boy several times, and when I called to tell her the result her first words were 'you were right'.  It was a nice reminder that I was connected to this thing growing inside me. 

The unfortunate/fortunate results were that the fetus had a double x, so he was xxy instead of xy.  This is apparently called Klinefelter's syndrome.  Only about 0.1% of babies born have this so that is really a shocking display of statistics sticking it to us.  We keep falling on the wrong side of statistics but seriously, I can't even count on 99.9%??  Fuck.  

The good news (to me) is that the loss was not due to anything I did.  Nature saw that there was a mistake and corrected it.  Unfortunately between myself and my husband, we created something so stubborn that even with something seriously wrong he wasn't going to give up.  I fell while we were away on our trip.  I fell hard and really hurt myself.  I have a huge bruise, and an abrasion that was the size of the palm of my hand on my hip.  i was certain that this is what killed our child.  Also, we flew which our last cliinic (the one run by quacks, I know) didn't recommend.  I was sure that one or both of those things were the reason that I was no longer pregnant.

This might sound bad, but I am glad that there was something wrong to point to.  If there had to be a failure at least there is a reason that I can learn about and determine if there is some genetic proclivity towards it.  Also now we can do PGD and only put back the healthy embryo(s).  Maybe this actually means there might be hope.

5 comments:

Alice said...

It is great that you may have an answer--I've heard of a lot of women who have gone on to have successful pregnancies with IVF and PGD.

Sue said...

It stinks being on the wrong end of statistics, that's for sure. But keep at it - PGD sounds like it will be the answer for you.

Hopeful Mother said...

Exciting with your work opportunity!

I can understand the relief you felt learning about the karyotype of your baby. NOT YOUR FAULT. I hope this is helping you to heal and move forward. You should feel hope - an issue has been identified which has a solution. That has to give you hope!

Wishing you all the best!

DrSpouse said...

Although only a very small proportion of boys are born with this, I'd be willing to bet a lot more are conceived with this arrangement - so lots of other people must have lots boys like this without knowing...

Not that that's any consolation.

Nicole said...

I really do see hope for you too. Answers are great during times like these and you know we are all rooting for you.