Wednesday, January 24, 2007


I met a friend for lunch yesterday.  We used to work together but she too was recently laid off.  She was one of the people I spoke to quite a bit as she also went through fertility treatments way back when.  She has a 21 yo daughter and it took them 11 years to get pregnant, so she is someone I feel comfortable talking to about this process.

While at lunch we talked about where I am and what is going on.  She is always understanding and helpful but yesterday was especially nice.  We were discussing options, a sixth IVF cycle, adoption, foster care, blah blah blah and she started talking about her daughter.  She said that she doesn't really remember the pregnancy or delivery.  The only thing she remembers is the moment they put the child in her arms.  She believes that she wouldn't have felt any differently about her daughter had it been adoption. 

In fact she said she often looks at her daughter and asks herself if they are related because she says or does something that is foreign to her parents.  She says she doesn't feel a 'connection' to her child like something mystical, but that she loves her because of the person she has become. 

It was a nice way to look at adoption.  No matter how you get your child, you go through frustration and difficulty but when someone puts a child in your arms, it is yours.  Your baby.


J Fife said...

I have to agree with your friend. Pregnancy and delivery were such a small part of this experience for me, but holding my daughter for the first time, I'll never forget that.
The day to day life is what really shapes your connection.

Nicole said...

Beautiful story. That's what I try to keep my eye on, that moment you get to hold your baby for the first time. I can dream.

Hopeful Mother said...

That is really interesting and reassuring to hear. No matter how we get there, that connection is the one that is remembered...