Sunday, May 14, 2006
What I was avoiding
I have never told any of my siblings about treatment or anything. I have been avoiding the pity, the sympathy that I would get. I don't want to get special treatment for this situation. I did finally tell my mother when I lost the 3rd IVF and needed a DNC. I felt so alone and I guess I wanted my mother. That feels so sad to me.
Today, on this black day, H and I invited both the SILs and my mother for brunch. It was a very nice day, but my mother brought both my sister and I a plant. I had her give mine to my SIL, who has a child. I know she wanted to be kind, but it hurt.
It hurt that she wanted to make a point of giving me something on mother's day. I am obviously not a mother ad I don't deservea gift at this point.
Maybe I will never get a gift on this day. Perhaps I will never achieve this goal. If this is true then I will never receive a gift and I dont' want to start faking it now.