Tuesday, November 15, 2005

My fears

I am lucky in some ways, I have a very good friend who knows about my fertility issues and is very supportive.  Some of the people in my office have gone through fertility treatment and they can help too.  These are people I wouldn't normally tell personal stuff to, but now it seems the rules are changed.  I am the kind of person who likes a friendly relationship in the office, but not too 'personal' until I get to know you MUCH better, and for most of my co-workers that might mean never.

I don't mean this in a mean way.  Just that I don't feel comfortable when someone I barely know if going on and on about her boyfriend/health issues/family problems.  I feel like that is private and should be shared with people you know will be supportive and not judgemental.

Anyway, because of my fertility problem my acceptable level of 'personal information' has changed. 

Now, because I know of a few women in my office with the same problems, I have a support group there that I wouldn't have expected. 

Here's the problem.  I feel I can' t talk about this with my family.  I have family members that I would normally talk about personal difficulties but I can't talk to them about this. 

I don't want to see the pity, the sympathy.  The question in their face every time I see them, "Are you??".   It is supposed to be my secret, mine and my husband's until we are ready to tell people.  Not a question every 5 minutes. 

Does that make me selfish?

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