Shopping today for presents, I spent hours in stores just walking around. Somehow I kept ending up in the baby sections. I had to go by the maternity clothes to get to the fitting rooms, and my nieces sizes are on the other side of baby clothes. It was sad and difficult.
The worst part was that I haven't been feeling too bad. I have been a little crampy but not horrible, so I thought physically I was doing well. After a couple of hours in the store, I felt horrible. Hot, sweaty, nausea, cramping. I had to sit down in the aisle for a while. I always have a book with me, so I just sat on a shelf and read for a while. I finished up and have been on the couch for the rest of the afternoon.
I can't bear to wrap the presents yet. I can't really stand to look at them yet. I will try again this weekend. I would like to be all done with christmas stuff by next week, though we haven't done anything for our card list yet, so that might be an enthusiastic goal.
I vetoed a tree this year. I am usually the one who wants the biggest tree, usually much bigger than our ceiling can hold. We still have huge scrapes on our ceiling from a tree a few years ago that we had to cut almost 2' off the top. And it still barely made it in the room. This year, I can't bear it. I don't want any of that stuff in my house. I don't want all the ornaments and glitter everywhere when I feel like this. If we had a child, of course I would pull myself together but we don't so why should I have to fake it in my own house.
Time to think about other people...
We have a friend with a health problem. He has been in the hospital for quite a while and he has had a transplant be rejected. He has already gotten a second transplant but his wife and doctors are concerned. If you pray, please do, or just send good thoughts his way.