19w1d

I am sorry, I tried posting a picture and a couple of posts recently but blogger was being crabby. 

 

I has been a couple of busy weeks for us and the nugget.  I finally told my siblings last week and my boss today.  I am only working on a contract basis and the potential hire date is sometime in Q4, which means I will be huge and likely taking time off directly after that.  I think they might 'put off' hiring me as a full time person until I return anyway.  That makes me sad but it is not too bad.  We can get health insurance through H's company, but still I had been hoping to have this finalized before making my announcement.

 

I am still, sort of, getting away with normal clothes.  I can't wear my normal, normal clothes but wrap dresses and low rise skirts/pants are still working as long as they have a little give in the fabric.  Even so, a bunch of my friends have 'donated' maternity clothes to me.  Most of the stuff is for the later months, probably at least September but they have been so generous.  I haven't decided what I am going to do yet, since I can't really wear the truly maternity stuff yet, but I am outgrowing all my own stuff.

 

I finally started gaining some weight again.  I gained 6 lbs right away after all the procedure and everything else, but then plateaued for 2 months or so.  This last couple of weeks though I have gone on a growth spurt, or an eating binge, whichever.  Either way I am 4 lbs more than I was at 16w, and it is pretty much all belly.  It is fun though a bit shocking to see the change every morning. 

 

I will try to post pics again soon.  I tried to send an u/s as an email to blogger, but that just caused blogger to ignore me for days.  I think it was mad.

 

So far H still doesn't want to know the gender.  I would really like to tell him so we can talk about it, and plan for it.  I would like to be able to be happy about it, but right now I feel a little contained about the whole thing.  Of course I still feel like this is the week something bad will happen but so far that has only been in my head.

 

Today was a little scary though with the doppler.  We have been good at finding the heartbeat, some days it takes a little longer but on the whole it has been relatively easy.  Also, since about 16w the hb has been pretty rock steady around 140 bpm.  Today it was all over the place, bouncing up to 155 and dropping to 135.  It made me pretty nervous, but H thinks that I am dehydrated because this week I have not been as good about drinking water every 5 minutes.  I hope that is the problem.  I don't want to be the panicky lady who calls the Dr at the drop of a hat, but it did worry me a but this morning.

 

Thank you for being kind and patient with me.  It really means an awful lot to me.

 

16w3d

Finally had my 16w1d ultrasound on Monday.  So far everything looks very good.  Our Down's risk went down to 1:3000 (ish).  This time dr was much less 'enthusiastic' about doing an ammio.  He was really pushing for it 2 weeks ago, but this time things looked good enough that the amnio didn't seem necessary.  I was so relieved and H was happy too.  We agreed that if anything looked remotely concerning on the u/s that I would agree to amnio. 

 

I was clear that terminiation was not an option as long as there was no threat to anyone's life.  I have already had to do 2 terminations and I really didn't believe I could handle another one, especially if the baby was still alive.  At least both others had already 'expired' by the time of the procedure. 

 

H spent some of the weekend refinishing a 'new' piece of furniture for the nursery. (?)  I don't know how I feel about saying that.  It still feels like if I say too much that it will get taken away from us.  It is just superstition, but still. 

 

I attached the latest sonogram, though I have no idea how blogger handles pdfs.  I hope it works, otherwise I will have to figure out another solution after work.

 

The biggest 'concern' the dr had was that I hadn't gained any weight since I have been coming to him 4 weeks ago.  He asked if I was sick or nauseous.  I am not, never had any nausea really.  That concerned him a little but he said that I might be a later bloomer than average.  Well, last night my belly pooked out.  I went from having a little paunch that was mostly just a tire of fat around my waist to a firm round belly.  And I gained 1/2 pound since yesterday morning.

 

I don't know that I will be able to hide this at work for very much longer.  I was hoping to keep this to myself for a little bit longer but it is starting to get tougher and tougher especially as most of my clothes don't fit anymore.

 

I guess this secret is going to have to come out sooner or later. I fear that once I start telling everyone that something horrible will happen and that really scares the crap out of me.