Thursday, August 10, 2006

Mental update

I have been on my meds now for about 2 months.  Maybe a bit more than that, but everything is so amazingly different.  I know I gave an update earlier about the change after 4 weeks and that was truly life-changing.

Now though is different, now I am at a stable dose and a stable feeling about life.  I still get concerned and anxious about stuff, like the fact that I am not working yet, but I don't have a complete and utter breakdown about it. 

We had brunch with some very good friends a few weeks ago and she has been through all of the 'issues' with me for years.  I love these friends, they are incredibly important to us.  They have had to deal with our infertility and everything else in our lives for such a long time, and they don't complain or make anything any harder on me.  She works really hard to try to relieve some of the pressure through little things, like an incredible sense of humor or stories about her own family stuff.  Over brunch we were all laughing so hard about some stories that we were talking about, and I thought she was going to cry, she was laughing so hard.  It dawned on me then that I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed that hard about anything. 

We just talked the other day and mentioned that morning, she said that she was so happy that I seemed to be in such a better place.  Her husband even said in the car on the way home, that it was nice to have me back.  I try to hide as much of the depression from people as I can but I know now how bleak a place I was in.  I am a completely different person to myself and the people I love when I am deep into depair. 

I am a person I even like now.  I wasn't someone I liked then.  I wasn't even someone I could see then.  It is like I am a completely new person now that the medicine is a part of my life.  Thank god, or whoever.


J Fife said...

So glad to hear that you're feeling better. Hope the laughter keeps coming...

Thalia said...

Happy to hear that the drugs are helping. I hope that things continue on an up turn.