Thank goodness for medicine. Things have gotten so much better since I first went to this new clinic. I haven't actually done a cycle or anything which is disappointing, but I did get some medicine to help me with my hormonal and emotional levels. At first it helped and I finally started to see the world with a little light and less bleak.
It was completely a quirk of fate, and maybe some sort of blessing, that I did all this just a week or so before I was laid off. Even with medication, the lay-off was incredibly hard. For two weeks I was just completely out of touch with life or anything remotely attached. I couldn't focus, think or respond.
Then suddenly the wall broke through and things have gotten so much better. I can now focus on things (most of the time) and it was like breaking through the clouds and coming up into a clear sky. And this was even during the endless rain we had here, or at least it felt like endless rain, it is really hard to tell. Anyway, it turns out that these things often take 4-6 weeks to fully kick in and gain complete effectiveness.
So far I am right on schedule and that is incredible. I am still exhausted all the time, which is another side effect, it may resolve or it may not. If not there are other medical avenues to take and ones more natural (yay to caffeine!!). But even so, just knowing that this is a normal response and that I am not constantly thinking of how to hurt myself without leaving a mess for H to clean up is a wonderful change.