Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Working mama

I have just been reviewing my life a little today.  I realized that since I have gotten settled into work a little bit more that I haven't taken many pictures of the baby.  He is changing so much all the time, but my time seems to short with him that stopping for a camera has fallen by the wayside. 

I realize that I need to work on balance for my life to work out.  I enjoy working, my job is challenging and interesting but I also love my child and don't want to miss out or forget so much.  I didn't even post a specific 8 month post.  I kept thinking about one since there have been so many changes but then the month just got too far along. 

I have also been dealing with a bit of depression.  This month has made me so sad.  I felt like I have been abandoning my child.  Like he is going to forget me, and love the au pair instead.  The au pair is wonderful and she loves him.  I do not worry about her, just that he will grow confused about our relationship.  It has been very difficult, but has finally gotten better.  Even H was worried about me and usually he is not very observant about things like that.

I (mostly) know that my fears are groundless but when I am in a bad place I can't turn my mind from them. 

I am in a better spot mentally and emotionally this week, so now is when I need to make the changes to keep me on an even keel.  I will post next week for a 9 month post.  I promise myself and my child. 

1 comment:

J Fife said...

Be kind to yourself. Working mama is a tough title. I think every working mom has had similar fears. And guilt. I feel that nearly every day.